My name is Tate. He doesn’t call me that, though. He would never refer to me so informally, if he referred to me at all. No, he’ll barely even speak to me.
But he still won’t leave me alone.
We were best friends once. Then he turned on me and made it his mission to ruin my life. I’ve been humiliated, shut out, and gossiped about all through high school. His pranks and rumors got more sadistic as time wore on, and I made myself sick trying to stay out of his way. I even went to France for a year, just to avoid him.
But I’m done hiding from him now, and there’s no way in hell I’ll allow him to ruin my senior year. He might not have changed, but I have. It’s time to fight back.
*This novel contains adult/mature young adult situations. It is only suitable for ages 18+ due to language, violence, and sexual situations.
**This book is the first in a series but can be read as a STAND ALONE. The next books will focus on side characters from this story.
I am 100000% O-B-S-E-S-S-E-D with Jared Trent…unabashedly and incurably addicted. And totally okay with it. 🙂 You can witness my ode to Bully here and you can read a deleted scene from Until You here.
Have you ever been so angry that hitting things felt good? Or so numb that you actually felt high? The past few years have been like that for me. Traveling between fury and indifference with no stops in between.
Some people hate me for it, while others are scared of me. But none of them can hurt me, because I don’t care about anything or anyone.
Except Tatum.
I love her so much that I hate her. We used to be friends, but I found out that I couldn’t trust her or anyone else.
So I hurt her. I pushed her away.
But I still need her. The sight of her centers me, and I can pool all of my anger into her. Engaging her, challenging her, bullying her…they are my food, my air, and the last part of me that feels anything human.
But she left. She went to France for a year, and came back a different girl.
Now, when I push, she pushes back.
Well, I’ve already professed my adoration for Jared…so you can only imagine what this ‘Love Note’ did to me…
Keep reading to see the full Love Note!
Tate, baby…
I wish that this was easier for me, but I am learning. You’re the only reason I’ve ever wanted to celebrate this day. You know you make me happy. You know I love you. And you know that I want you every minute of every day. What you don’t know is that I love the little things. You don’t think I notice them, but I do. I love that one of your fingernails is always a different color than the others. I love that you won’t put your head on my shoulder while I’m driving but instead sit back against the car door with your toes underneath my thighs, so you can see me when we talk. I love that you’re not a morning person, but I can always make you wake up with a smile. I love the way you reward me when I get an answer right during studying.
And I love that I never want to wash your smell off of my clothes.
Yesterday, today, tomorrow, and FOREVER. I love you.
Now get your ass upstairs, I’m waiting in the tree.
Jared
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
*ARC Given to Blog for Honest Review*
5 “Yesterday lasts forever.” Kisses
Sadness. Anger. Betrayal. Frustration. Lust. Happiness. Joy. Love. Do I sound like a crazy person yet? I’m not just listing these feelings cause I feel like it – I’m listing them because this book painstakingly ejected them from my soul while I read. After all that, I should be emotionally drained…but I’m not! I’m infused! I absolutely loved this book! GAH! Prepare for another babble filled rant of insanity from yours truly about a book that hypnotized, captivated and enraptured me. Apologies in advance.
Tatum Brandt…Tate…or at least that’s what everyone else calls her. Except for him. He’s always the exception. The one that lives to make her cringe, make her fearful of anything and everything, make her miserable. She’s a good girl, a pretty girl…she’s smart, does well in school, runs cross country, likes rock music – she’s unique! That’s one of the many things I liked about her…she’s not a girly girl, she’s not your typical teenager, but in all honesty…there’s nothing to dislike about Tate. But…of course, he can find any number of ways to make her miserable and for no reason at all…leave it to the one person who knows her the best to hurt her the worst. So, after being away for a year abroad, she comes back home to turn over a new leaf, start fresh, put the past behind her because nothing – not even the bully that has tormented her for years, is going to ruin her senior year.
“Everything still hurts, but I know none of it is my fault. There are a lot of words that I could use to describe you, but the only one that includes sad, angry, miserable, and pitiful is “coward.” In a year, I’ll be gone, and you’ll be nothing but some washout whose height of existence was in high school.” My eyes were still on Jared, and my voice got strong again. The ache in my face from trying to hold back tears eased. “You were my tempest, my thunder cloud, my tree in the downpour. I loved all those things, and I loved you. But now? You’re a fucking drought. I thought that all the assholes drove German cars, but it turns out that pricks in Mustangs can still leave scars.”
Jared Trent…oh how this boy toyed with my emotions. I wanted to hate him. Especially for the way he treated Tate, and especially because I didn’t know the reason. But once I knew the reason, all that possible hatred was gone – poof! Vanished into thin air because this poor, broken, sad boy doesn’t deserve anything but pure love in his life. He’s so the classic example of the strong silent type…and every time you get a glimpse inside, hear his emotions, his past, there’s just no hope. You cannot help but melt into a puddle at his feet and scream ‘TAKE ME NOW!’ Hmm…maybe it’s just me.
‘Once my gaze met his, it was impossible to look away. His eyes were like the cover of a book— giving you hints but not the whole story. And I wanted to know the story. If I searched his eyes long and hard enough, maybe what I craved would seep out.’
Tate and Jared clearly have a very complicated relationship. They have a lot of history, which is another thing that really gets me. They grew up together, were neighbors, he got her thru some really hard times, it’s hard not to cling to a past like that. You can’t fake memories and those threads that bind you to another person, be it a friend, a lover or a family member. And I loved the little flashbacks we got, those happy memories where you saw tiny pieces of them when they were growing up…their friendship and how it used to be before everything got ugly and feelings got hurt. That’s another reason why it was easy to see past what Jared did was because you knew that deep down, this wasn’t who he really was and there had to be a reason why he was acting the way he was. It just torture getting to that point!
‘His body inched closer, but I didn’t care. I wanted to hear more. “You were never clingy or a nuisance, Tate. The day you moved in next door I thought you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I fucking love you.”’
I think part of the reason why this book and the emotions hit so deep with me was because it’s very relatable. We were all teenagers once, feelings those insecurities, those desires to just be liked, to have friends and feel cool. I know I experienced similar things to Tate, not to that extreme mind you but my heart broke for her because I knew what it felt like to have your dreams crushed, your heart broken, your desires smashed to smithereens and above all to feel so hopeless in the situation when you’ve done nothing wrong but still feel the punishment. I wanted to hold, hug and protect Tate because no one deserves that…least of all her. Not only that…but at some point we’ve all been bullied in one way or another and when it’s done by someone you considered a best friend….I mean that’s pretty freaking low. How can that not make you cry and break your heart.
‘He put a hand to my face and guided my eyes to his. “We never lost that. As much as I tried, I could never erase you from my heart. That’s why I was such an asshole and kept guys away from you. You were always mine.”
“Are you mine?” I asked as I wiped my tears.
He kissed the corners of my mouth softly, and I felt heat rise up my neck. “Always have been,” he whispered against my mouth.’
At the same time, once you learn the reasons behind Jared’s behavior and actions…is it justifiable? No. What he did was still fucked up, wrong and uncalled for. But…my heart did break for him too. These aren’t adults, their teenagers filled with pent up emotions, hormones and when you’re stuck in a situation you can’t fix or control, you do dumb things. The fact that he could sit back and recognize his mistake, apologize for it and make amends…that’s what makes him a decent guy. And you saw him trying to make up for his past and what he did, trying to mend things with Tate, to earn her forgiveness and trust, which only made me fall more in love with him! Gah, I’m such a sucker!
“You made me mean. And now I pummel poor, defenseless girls… and guys.” I tried to make my voice sound accusing and innocent.
Jared gripped me tighter. “If you beat metal long enough, it turns to steel.”
I buried my nose in his hair, kissing the ridge of his ear and joked. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, you big bully.”
Bully got me…it was sometimes difficult to remember they are seniors in high school…especially with Tate because she acts very mature for her age. I did love the ending…and the good news keeps coming cause this little gemstone is…drum roll please…a series! And what does Lisa love more than anything in this world? Series Books! Squee! I cannot wait to dive head first into Jared’s brain in Until You – and FYI, that title is fucking GENIUS and I love it more than words can ever express. Aaaaand that’s not all! Rival…Madoc’s story – Jared’s equally hot bff and he’s hilarious…love him. O…M…G….I just can’t wait. 🙂
Penelope Douglas is a writer and teacher in Las Vegas. Born in Dubuque, Iowa, she is the oldest of five children. Penelope attended the University of Northern Iowa, earning a Bachelor’s degree in Public Administration, because her father told her to “just get the degree!” She then earned a Masters of Science in Education at Loyola University in New Orleans, because she hated Public Administration. One night, she got tipsy and told the bouncer at the bar where she worked that his son was hot, and three years later they were married. To the son, not the bouncer. They have spawn, but just one. A daughter named Aydan. Penelope loves sweets, the show Sons of Anarchy, and she shops at Target almost daily.
Jared Trent hands down is who I Yearn to be my Valentine 😉
I absolutely loved Jared Valentine to Tate!!
Is this a book?
Hi Julia – yes it is 🙂 It’s actually one of my favorite book series, the Fall Away Series by Penelope Douglas. Jared and Tate’s books are Bully, Until You and Aflame, but they make appearances in Rival and Falling Away as well. Thanks! 🙂