This is not your typical love story.
It’s not so black and white. Lines are crossed.
Walls are smashed. Good becomes bad.
Bad becomes very, very good.Shayda Hijazi—the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect daughter. For thirty-three years, she has played by the rules, swallowing secrets, burying dreams and doing whatever it takes to anchor her family. Shayda Hijazi is about to come face to face with the one thing that can rip it all apart, the one thing her heart has always been denied: Love.
Troy Heathgate—untamed, exhilarating, dangerous—a man who does exactly as he pleases. Life bends to his will. Until he comes across the one thing he would give it all up for, but can never have.
Born on the same day in opposite corners of the world, their lives collide. And nothing is ever the same again.
Spanning three decades, 53 Letters for My Lover is a fiercely sensual, emotional ride to the heart of an epic, forbidden love that defies it all—an intimate exploration of love, loyalty, passion, betrayal, and the human journey for hope, happiness and redemption.
“Sexy, intense fiction isn’t afraid to step out of the box.”
Contemporary women’s fiction: Ages 18+
I L-O-V-E-D 53 Letters for My Lover – it was one of my favorite books of 2014! Troy and Shayda captured my heart, stole my breath and took me on a complete journey. Did you see Troy’s Love Note from Valentine’s Day?!?! Totally ah-mazing – just like him! And make sure you check out From His Lips – a companion short story from Troy’s POV!
***This short story (86 pages) contains SPOILERS*** It is meant to be read after the full length novel, 53 Letters For My Lover. For readers who want more from the hero’s point of view.
Troy Heathgate has it all – brains, brawn and the kind of smile that just begs a ribbon. Everything but the woman he loves. But now he’s back and determined to possess her. There’s just one catch – she’s married to another man.
From His Lips (53 Letters #1.5) expands on some of the crucial scenes, and includes a few new ones. As such, it does not offer a fully formed beginning and ending, and may not appeal to those looking for a full read.
The doorbell rings. Repeatedly. Followed by loud thumping on the door.
“Coming, coming! Now what did you what forget?” I swing the door open.
My heart screeches to a slamming halt. “Troy.” I turn pale. “You…you shouldn’t be here.”
“No?” He storms past me into the house. “Where should I be, Shayda? Waiting by the phone? Staking out your office? Checking my email? Where the fuck, Shayda?” His fist slams into the console table, so ‘fuck’ is an obscure, jarring thud, like some censored song on the radio.
“I changed my mind.”
“You changed your mind. Just like that?” He starts pacing the hallway. “And when were you were planning to tell me exactly? When, Shayda?”
“I made a mistake.” My voice quivers. “I got caught up in the moment. We were alone, we were away. It was…it was all an illusion.”
“An illusion?” He pulls me hard against him. Our bodies collide, knocking the breath out of me. “Is this an illusion?”
His lips assault mine.
“And this?” His hand slides under my dress, claiming my thigh.
“What about this, Shayda?” He pushes my panties aside and slides two fingers inside.
“Tell me, Shayda. Tell me this is all in my head.” He shoves me against the door and deepens his strokes. “Tell me this is nothing.” He rubs his fingers on my neck, leaving the unmistakable trail of my reaction.
“This is you, Shayda.” His finger slips inside my mouth. “Your taste, your smell, your skin, your touch.” He grabs me by the hair and pulls my head back. “Tell me you’re not real, Shayda. Tell me!”
I feel the gathump gathump of his heart. Our breath comes in short, shallow gasps. His eyes darken, black holes pushing sky blue irises to the edges of raw emotion. Hunger. Anger. Love. Pain.
53 Letters for My Lover by Leylah Attar
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
*ARC Given to Blog for Honest Review*
5 “Beetroot” “Scary Cherry” “Butterfly” “Fly, dammit, fly!” Kisses
Holy cow Leylah Attar…what did you just do to me??? I shouldn’t be surprised…but I really just can’t handle how much I loved this book. You don’t even know! Just…wow. 53 Letters for My Lover just blew me away…it was amazing perfection that had me from start to finish. The angst was phenomenal…my heart was in my throat…Shayda and Troy were breathtaking…I’m a goner for this book.
Shayda Hijazi…oh Beetroot Butterfly…what am I going to say about Shayda. I felt for her. I may not have understood everything she was going through…but I got her. I got her mindset…I understood her logic and reasoning…and my heart still broke with her. This woman is tested consistently throughout the book and yet she still managed to hold her head up high and do what she needed to do…sometimes whether she liked it or not. Her inner strength is boundless…I really don’t know how she did it sometimes. To live the life you need to live…not the one you want to live is a very difficult task, but she made the most out of it. I don’t want it to come off like Shayda was absolutely miserable all the time…but she made a lot of sacrifices…including her happiness. I both loved and hated Shayda’s sense of obligation…it was a very admirable quality but it cost her dearly in some ways. She was the good, dutiful woman she needed to be and there is a lot to be said for that kind of person. Aside from her children…the only time I ever felt Shayda was truly happy was when a certain blue eyed man was present.
‘It doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter what anyone is doing or saying. I wish Troy Heathgate would stop looking at me like that. Time has intensified his gaze into a laser beam that zaps hazy memories of him into a cloud of smoky grey. Poof. Gone. Dissolved. Disintegrated. What chance do black and white rainbows have against full, blazing technicolor?’
Troy Heathgate…I have so many things to say about Troy. Troy…defies explanation. He’s magnificence personified. He is a playboy…he’s brilliant…he’s sexy and confident and can talk his way into or out of anything…every girl wants him and every guy wants to be him…he’s illusive and magnetic and just flat out amazing. And he only has eyes for one exotic Butterfly. I was wary of Troy at first…I was honestly afraid he was going to break Shayda’s heart and that woman didn’t need to be broken anymore…but the second I realized he was more invested than Shayda was, that was the second I knew there was no coming back from Troy. The compassionate and caring nature he showed with Shayda…all that he does for her, the lengths that he goes to know and understand her…better than anyone else ever has…it simply stole my heart.
‘Every hour we spend together intensifies my awareness of him. The scent of his skin, the shape of his nails, the subtle inflections in his voice – the savvy businessman, the charming bad boy, the sensual lover. Watching him eat, talk, smile, tease, it’s easy to see why women come undone around him. That insatiable appetite for life, the intrinsic confidence, the dark, dangerous allure wrapped in layers of genuine playfulness.’
Troy and Shayda have an epic love…like…spanning decades. They have this long-lasting kind of connection that absolutely nothing can break and it totally captivated me. More than captivated me…it’s captured my mind, my heart, my soul! I can’t even pinpoint that exact moment it happened because they do not have it easy…and call me crazy, even through their struggles and the angst…I still loved and appreciated what they had. That’s part of what added to them…made them more complex and more real to me – they had so many layers and dimensions to what made them who they were…both as individuals and as a couple. They had so many different interactions that may seem minor to anyone else…but were treasured and special for the two of them. Troy and Shayda in all honesty, couldn’t be more different…in just about every aspect…and yet, they compliment each other perfectly…they just get each other and click in this fantastic way that warmed my heart inside and out. And as if that wasn’t enough…they were scintillatingly hot…I’m not going to lie, I wasn’t expecting the level of eroticism I got but hot-damn did I love every single second of it. Its all part of the Troy-Shayda amazing package…all part of what made me love them so.
‘For a moment, I fought against the disarming tenderness of a stranger, the shame of being caught in a moment of weakness. Then his arms circled my waist, pulling me away from the door, from whatever heartache he had witnessed in my reflection. The fight drained out of me. I turned into the shelter of his embrace, and he, not knowing, not asking, took me in.
Something changed in that instant. For me. For him. Like when the sun and moon align and the day turns into night. They finally see each other’s faces and hang, transfixed, even as their eclipse throws everything else into darkness. For those fleeting moments, everything made sense – the pattern behind the random trajectory of life, the infinite order beneath chaos.’
Alright…so part of what makes Troy and Shayda’s situation so much more difficult is the fact that she is married. Before the pitchforks are brought out and we condemn the cheating couple…I have to say, it’s really not that easy. It’s not easy to say she should have gotten a divorce or they should have ignored their feelings…because Shayda’s marriage wasn’t that easy either. I’m not trying to turn Hafez (her husband) into a villain…by all means, he’s not…but it’s really something you have to read and experience for yourself…to truly be able to judge. There are so many details and extenuating circumstances that come into this that I don’t want to spoil…but I know in my heart…Shayda did not jump into an affair with Troy lightly. But it was the first decision in her life that she made for herself…and I have to applaud her for that.
‘“Tell me.” His eyes pierce mine with a ferocious need.
I moan, squeezing my eyes shut, but he presses his thumb and forefinger into my cheeks, squeezing until my lips purse open.
“Tell me,” he rasps, harder and faster, driving to a harsh staccato drive.
The intensity builds up to a fevered pitch. White hot bolts of lightning shoot through me. I wrap my legs around him as my toes curl in ecstasy. “I’m yours, Troy. Yours.”
“Mine!” He lifts my ankles over his shoulders and slams into me, his body shuddering with a jarring release.
“Mine, Beetroot. All mine,” he says, kissing the corner of my mouth as he spirals down from the heights of passion.
Afterwards, he flips me over so I’m lying on top of him, and brushes the sand off my back. Then he wraps both arms around me like he’s never going to let go.’
Another person I need to applaud….Ms. Attar. Holy shit…the amount of depth and emotion that she put into 396 pages of awesome…I’m in awe. The writing was beautiful…I truly never wanted it to end. And…I know this is going to sound weird…but I felt smarter reading it. The way the storyline unfolds and everything is told is very unique…it’s not all spelled out for you, there are some things that you just kind of have to trust that you will understand as you continue to read…and it totally happens. But I appreciated that Leylah trusted me enough as a reader that I would eventually get it…not that some things weren’t handed to me, but it was nice to kind of fall into the flow of what I was reading and trust in the author to take me everywhere I needed to go. None of the topics that are in this book are even in the realm of easy…aside from the affair there is SO much more…loaded, heavy, deep, hard hitting situations that just one alone is enough to carry a book and the risk with putting them all in there was totally worth it. It wasn’t too much…every issue gutted me in a new way…but the way they were handled and resolved appropriately…which soothed my aching heart.
‘If we base our decisions on all the things we’re afraid of, we would be paralyzed with fear.
I wrench myself away from the cold, deathly grip of despair, from all the worst-case scenarios, from guilt, from shame, from all the heavy chains that have shackled my soul. It’s time, time for me to make the journey of a thousand miles, time for me to take a leap of faith. I stand at the edge of the abyss and hesitate.
Fly, dammit, fly, says Troy.
I smile and spread my wings, gliding, soaring, rising over a golden valley where lemon groves lie cradled in the warmest, softest earth. I feel like I am home again. Because I choose love. I choose faith. And hope. And happiness. And dancing dust motes in the sunlight.’
The ending…oh the epicness of the ending…it was fan-flippin-tastic…amazingness…and all I could have ever dreamed of. It’s like Leylah knew that I couldn’t handle a rushed ending and she let me savor. Every. Word. And I did…oh boy, did I eat up every single second of it! You cannot give characters a 30 year love affair and not give them a complete ending…and the attention that was paid to every detail, leaving no plot holes or issues unresolved…it was just perfection…this might be one of my favorite endings ever. I cannot even tell you how badly I need to read From His Lips, the companion short story to 53 Letters for My Lover…I can tell you right now, 86 pages from Troy’s brain is not enough. 86,000 pages from Troy Heathgate wouldn’t be enough. I promise you, he is that amazing.
Leylah Attar writes stories about love – shaken, stirred and served with a twist. When she’s not writing, she can be found pursuing her other passions: photography, food, family and travel. Sometimes she disappears into the black hole of the internet, but can usually be enticed out with chocolate.
Thank you, Lisa! Reading this review again and your teasers….gah! ♥♥♥
I’ve never read anything like this, but I love the idea of it.