School psychologists aren’t supposed to write books about sex. Doing so would be considered “unethical” and “a fireable offense.” Lucky for you, ethics was never my strong suit.
After spending years trying to spice up my sex life, I gave up and took to my journal. Perhaps my gorgeous, cold, number crunching husband simply wasn’t capable of the kind of passion I’d come to expect. After all, my ex-boyfriends—a skinhead turned US Marine turned motorcycle club outlaw, a baby-faced punk rocker out on parole, and a heavy-metal bass player—were every bit as tattooed and testosterone-fueled as the leading men in my favorite romance novels. If I couldn’t have that kind of passion again in real life, I could at least write about it. Right? Nobody had to know. It would be my little secret.
Well, guess what? My husband read that shit.
And guess what else? He upped his fucking game.
Drunk with power and under the dubious advisement of my best friend and colleague, I began testing the limits—crafting journal entries specifically designed to manipulate Ken’s behavior. For the most part, he responded beautifully…except when he didn’t.
Ken’s note is…unique 🙂
Keep reading to see the full Love Note!
Dear Brooke,
Happy Valentine’s Day.
I love you.
-Ken
* It is important to note that this love note was written on the back of a grocery list because Kenneth Easton thinks that Valentine’s Day was just a ploy developed by Hallmark to sell more greeting cards and he refuses to give them a dime.
** It is also important to note, but probably goes without saying, that Kenneth Easton is a husbot who neither possesses nor can express these things you and I call, “feelings.”
*** The only reason Kenneth Easton scrawled these nine pitiful words on the back of this grocery list and left it on the kitchen counter is because he thinks that he will catch hell if he doesn’t at least acknowledge that it is Valentine’s Day.
**** Before Ken wrote this note and left for work, he’d emptied the dishwasher, started a load of laundry, run five miles, made the kids’ lunches, and scheduled a babysitter for tonight. Don’t tell him I said this, but he could have written YOU A BITCH ASS HO on that grocery list and he’d still be gettin’ some. I love the shit out of Kenneth Easton.
***** I’m still going to pout about his grocery list love letter over our romantic, child-free dinner tonight. Because #RelationshipGoals.
BB Easton lives in the suburbs of Atlanta, Georgia with her long-suffering husband, Ken, and two adorable children. She recently quit her job as a school psychologist to write stories about her punk rock past and deviant sexual history full-time. Ken is suuuper excited about it.
I love This whole giveaway!
Got to love Ken. He is the best husbot ever.