I can’t remember the last time I felt completely safe. Security seemed more like a luxury to me, reserved for those who were fortunate enough to have picture perfect childhoods. For those who didn’t bear the ugly scars that keep me bound in constant, debilitating fear. I’ve run from that fear my entire life. But when I met him, for once, I couldn’t run anymore.

He scared the hell out of me in a way that excited every fibre of my being. It wasn’t the tattoos or the piercings. It wasn’t the warmth that seemed to radiate from his frame and blanket me whenever he was near. It was just…him. The scary beautiful man that threatened to alter 23 years of routine and rituals, and make me face my crippling fear.

My name is Kami and I am constantly afraid. And the thing that scares me the most is the very thing I want.

***Inspired by true events***

I have to give myself a hand, I occasionally have brilliant ideas.  This is one of those ideas.  I landed one of the best interviews ever (SCORE!) with Blaine and Kami from Fear of Falling…are you jealous yet?  Oh just wait, it gets better.  Where is this interview going to take place?  Maybe at a sweet little bar called Dive. 😉  Oh…and I might have intentionally scheduled it for the same night a little band called AngelDust will be performing.  Darn!  Guess that means I have to stay for the performance.  Such a tough life…  Alright, I’ll cut with the sarcasm and move on, but keep in mind the whole time this is happening I’m internally ‘squee’ing’.  🙂

I pull into Dive’s parking lot and it looks just as I imagined, it’s still too early in the day for the marquee to be lit, but I planned that intentionally, too.  No need for distractions, I want all their focus on me.  Stepping inside, my eyes adjust to the dim bar lighting from the bright sunshine and land on the two gorgeous people I’ve been dying to meet.

Kami is as cute as I thought she would be – tiny little thing that I just wanna scoop up and take away.  And Blaine…well, I have very inappropriately strong feeling about Blaine that probably shouldn’t be discussed or thought about in the presence of Kami.  Needless to say, my knees are a little wobbly as I walk over to introduce myself.  They both rise from the booth over on the far side of the bar to come and greet me.  As much as I want to hug Kami and hump Blaine (See…I told you!  Inappropriate!), I decide on handshakes are best for now.  Kami and Blaine slide into one side of the booth, while I sit on the other.

Lisa:                “I want to thank both of you for sitting down with me, I really appreciate it.”

Kami gives me a sweet smile.

Kami:              “Of course.”

Blaine:             “Not a problem.”

I turn to Blaine, and I just have to pray that I’m not drooling.

Lisa:                “Blaine, would you like to go first?”

Blaine:            “Sure.”

Lisa:                “Any possibility I can steal you from Kami?  How bought for a day?  Or an hour?” 😉

Blaine:             “Oh yeah, definitely…if you want her to skewer my balls & stick them in a martini!  As much as I’d love to, I’ve fought too hard to finally have her. I better not rock the boat.”

OMG that visual has me cracking up – sad thing is, Kami would totally do it.

Lisa:                “Good point, just had to check.  If anything falls thru with Kami, I’m your girl.  You said that your tattoo’s are like a road map of your life – do you have any plans for any more?  And do you have any favorites?”

Blaine:             “I do. Actually, I acquired a bit more. See? This piece is my dedication to Kami. I wasn’t lying when I said she had branded me for life. And in a few more months, I’ll have another reason to get a new one…”

I resist the urge to reach out and lovingly stroke his new ink.  Kami is here, act accordingly!

Lisa:                “Oooh…very nice.  So, what was your first thought when Kami walked into Dive?  First thought when she ran out?  And first thought when she same back?”

Blaine:           “First thought? Damn. She was gorgeous, even with the red eyes and smeared mascara. I had to know her.  And when she ran out… I felt like I had royally fucked up. I had no idea what made her leave; I thought we were having a good time. I was confused…and really turned on.  But when she came back, I knew we had a second chance. I knew that having her in my life was fate. How often does shit like that happen? It was a sign: Kami was meant to be mine.”

Excuse me while I swoon!  *sigh*

Lisa:                “Wow, Kami is a very lucky girl.  How did it feel with Kami gave you all her stars?”

Blaine:             “Like all the pain, frustration, anger was all worth it. Like I had won in this shitty rat race called life and she was my prize. Like we could finally start living…together.”

Gah…could he get any more perfect?  I doubt it.

Lisa:                “Alright Kami, it’s your turn.  Two pretty important men in your life – Dom and Blaine.  Where do you think you would be if you hadn’t met both of them?”

Kami:              “Dom saved me in a time when I had no one. I was unstable and lost. He found me. If it weren’t for him, I couldn’t even imagine where I would have ended up.  Blaine brought me back to life. He made me believe in fairytales. He showed me that there really is beauty left in the world. I see it every time I look at him. If I had never met him, I would still be just existing- not living.”

Wow – Kami just made me swoon.  Damn girl!

Lisa:                “How old were you when you started doing origami?  Do you have a ‘go to’ or is it subconscious and you don’t even think about it?”

Kami:              “I started when I was young but didn’t really start doing it obsessively until about 10, I think. I had really bad panic attacks, worse than what I go through now. I was too young to cope and I didn’t have my mother’s support. I found that it helped. My thoughts, my feelings…they were like a piece of paper. It helped me fold and manipulate the fear and pain and tuck it away.  I don’t really think about what I’m making anymore. But I’ll tell you what…I’m sick of making stars.”

Lisa:                “Well that’s very good to hear.  Okay…honesty time – the ‘roadrunner’ nickname…you say you don’t like it, but don’t you secretly love it???  I personally love it and think it’s the cutest thing ever!  (just sayin..)  And for the record…Blaine = the hottest, best semi-creeper ever – you’re one lucky lady!  I will take him creepin ALL over me any day of the week!” 😛

Kami:              “Oh God! Ok, ok, I’ll admit, I do. It’s funny, quirky and adorable, just like him. Looking at him, you wouldn’t describe him like that, but oh my God, he is the biggest goof ball!”

Lisa:                “Just another thing that makes him absolutely irresistible.  Angel is…unique/awesome/hilarious.  Any chance of a guest appearance or two with AngelDust at Dive?”

A slow, playful smile emerges,

Kami:              “Maybe. Who knows what’s in store for us?”

Oooh…there is hope!

Lisa:                “Alright, now we’re at my favorite part of the interview – both of you at the same time!  What are your five favorite things about the other? (physical and non-physical)” 😉

Kami turns to look at Blaine, her smile getting bigger by the second.

Kami:              “His enormous…”

The dramatic pause is going to kill me – what’s enormous?!?!?!

Kami:              “…heart”

A playful giggles escapes and I laugh right along with her.  She almost got me!  Kami continues,

Kami:              “His strength.  The way he talks to me…he’s so open and expressive. It’s refreshing.  His tattoos.  How hard he loves. It’s an amazing feeling to be loved by him.”

*sigh*  Good answers…and I couldn’t agree more.  I turn to look at Blaine, his eyes are glued to Kami.

Blaine:             “Her green eyes.  Her pouty lips.  Her voice.  The way she always smells so damn good, like vanilla and exotic flowers.  How selfless she is. I see now that she didn’t push me away to protect herself. She wanted to protect me.”

 He. Is. Amazing.  I want to hug him.  Can I hug him?  Please?

Lisa:                “What is your biggest accomplishment and your greatest regret?”

Kami:              “That’s easy- my biggest regret is pushing him away and not telling him how I felt from the start. I put us both through so much unnecessary pain.   My biggest accomplishment?”

Her eyes flash down and she cradles stomach as she continues.

Kami:              “That is soon to come.”

Blaine:            “I regret not fighting hard enough for her. I should have stayed, no matter how long it took.”

Reaching over, he grasps Kami’s hand.

Blaine:            “I should have been there.”

OMG…that’s it, I must have both of them.

Blaine:            “My greatest accomplishment is loving her. I know that sounds cheesy as hell, and I will probably have to endure CJ’s nonstop insults for a week, but it’s true. Kami is easy to love, but getting her to accept that? And reciprocate it? A fucking miracle.”

If he doesn’t cut this shit out, I’m going to melt into a puddle right before their eyes.  No shame.

Lisa:                “Where do you see yourselves in five years?”

Blaine:            “With her. A truck full of wild ass kids. Happy and weird as hell.”

Kami:              “Ummm, I don’t know about that. I know we’ll be together but let’s start with one first. Baby steps.”

I stifle a giggle – I for one can’t wait to see the truck full of wild ass kids.

Lisa:                “Alright, let’s have some fun – word association time!  Dive?”

Kami:              “Shots”

Blaine:            “Kami”

Lisa:                “Dom”

Kami:              “Family”

Blaine:            “Kami’s friend”

Lisa:                “Origami”

Kami:              “Anxiety”

Blaine:            “Kami”

Lisa:                “Family”

Kami:              “Blaine”

Blaine:            “Kami”

Lisa:                “Breakfast”

Kami:              “Waffles”

Blaine:            “Kami”

Blaine says as he waggles his eyebrows, and I’m pretty sure there is no stopping me from drooling at this point.

Lisa:                “Roadrunner”

Kami rolls her eyes and my cheeks are starting to hurt after all the smiling and laughing.

Kami:              “A cartoon bird.”

Blaine chuckles.

Blaine:            “Kami”

Lisa:                “Angel”

Kami:              “Bad ass”

Blaine:            “Kami’s friend”

Turning to Kami, I ask.

Lisa:                “Blaine”

Kami:              “Patience”

Hmm…unexpected but it makes me smile.  I tilt my head in Blaine’s direction and say,

Lisa:                “Kami”

Blaine:            “Courage”

Lisa:                “Love”

Kami:              “Forever”

Blaine:             “Always”

*Swoon* I love them…I can’t choose which one is better, I must have them both.  As we’re finishing up, the sound of the front door opening catches my attention and that’s when I look around the bar and realize how packed it is.  The noise that caught my attention?  Oh…just a few familiar faces – Angel, Dom and the rest of AngelDust all barrel thru and head straight for our table.  CJ is already headed our way with shots (minus one for a certain someone who can’t drink) and I’m very excited about the possibilities of where this night is headed!  Though I will refuse to divulge details, but I will say I might have spent half the night clinging to Dom and the other half to Angel.  😉

Fear of Falling by S.L. Jennings

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

*ARC Given to Blog for Honest Review*

5 “Roadrunner” “254 stars” “semi-creeper” Kisses

OMG Wow…where do I begin with a book like Fear of Falling…It. Blew. My. MIND. Loved it. Beginning to end and everything in-between. Loved the characters, the story line, the flow – the sexual tension, the wit, the humor, the connections between the characters. I could go on and on and on cause guess what? I really can’t tell you what I didn’t like about this book. *breathe* So now…I will continue to babble about what I loved.

Kamilla Duvall…Kami Kami Kami…oh my sweet, broken, damaged Kami. So much hurt and fear, hidden so well. Almost. She’s a gorgeous, exotic beauty and she broke me down. I shed so many tears for her. I understood her pain but all I could do was hope she would survive it. She doesn’t have a family. The closest thing she has to a family are her two best friends and roommates, Angel Cassidy and Dominic (Dom) Trevino. Angel is a burst of energy and sunshine to help see Kami thru her darkest days, while Dom understands her pain better than anyone ever will. I truly enjoyed their friendship – it’s unique and special.

“You can do this,” I whispered to the reflection staring back at me. “It’s ok. You’re ok. It had to be done. You have to keep going. You can do this, Kami Duvall. You will not break. Not today.”

Blaine Daniel Jacobs is a pleasant surprise. Perfection wrapped in an unexpected package. What’s there to love about Blaine? He’s got tattoo’s. Do I need to keep going? He’s tall. He’s got chocolate brown eyes, a boyish grin and according to Kami, a great head of hair. Plus his name alone…once again, Kami his the nail on the head – ‘Blaine.
God, why couldn’t he have been named something less sexy? Like Mortimer? Or Buford? Because for a name like Blaine to be attached to someone as gorgeous as that scary-beautiful man was downright cruel.’
So effing true…great name. From the outside you would never imagine what he is truly capable of. I fell for Blaine instantly and spent every click of my kindle begging Kami to see what I already knew was there.

‘It wasn’t Blaine’s physical adornments that scared me. It wasn’t even his intense chocolate brown gaze that made me forget to breathe. It was him. All of him. My body’s response to his scared the living daylights out of me.’

So first of all, this book gave me one of the best first chapters I’ve ever read. In my life. Ever. Hands down. If I hadn’t already been dying to read this book before I read that chapter, then those pages sold me. Specifically the part involving shots. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. That is all. You will know what I mean when you read it. *shivers* It’s that memorable. And thus began my devouring of Kami and Blaine’s story.

‘For the first time in twenty-three years, I felt something. Something other than trepidation when a man touched me. Something more than the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I had to shatter another heart because I couldn’t let anyone in. Something so much more than the emptiness that filled my chest when I thought about the normal, happy life that I would never have.
Blaine was my more.’

So when I say I devoured it, I really did. In one day mind you. I couldn’t put it down. I didn’t want to put it down. And obviously given the fact that I finished it in one day, I physically couldn’t put it down. Their story is just one that begs to be read. You feel their desire and longing to be together, but at the same time I understand Kami’s reasons for holding back. Both Kami and Blaine are just very compelling and believable characters. I was completely engrossed in them…their lives, their feelings, all of it. To me, they were very real.

“I’m not looking through you, Kami,” I said only for her ears. I didn’t need an audience; I just needed her to hear me. “I’m looking into you. I’m standing here, wondering how the hell a girl so beautiful could hold so much sadness in her gorgeous green eyes. And I’m asking myself why I want – no – why I need to know what’s made her so sad. And what I can do to take away every ounce of that sadness. I need to know what it will take for you to let me in, so I can do just that.”

The book is told from both Kami and Blaine’s POV’s…which surprised me at first. Not because it was confusing, just unexpected. But trust me, it was a pleasant surprise, because Blaine’s mind is a lovely place to be. I loved getting both their thoughts, both their perspectives on different scenes and encounters. Left no room for questioning – I like that.

“Don’t worry,” he smiled, pulling me into the hard warmth of his chest. “I’ve got you. I’ll always catch you when you fall.”

What else did I like…I liked that I went highlight crazy in this book. Not joking, 20 pages of highlights. Some of them paragraphs because I couldn’t just highlight a few lines, it was all magical, it all had to be highlighted. (Stop looking at me like I’m crazy, I speak the truth!) I liked that this book gave me that feeling in the pit of my stomach. No, I loved that. It’s that feeling that I really only get when I’m reading an angsty book and it’s not giving me what I want. Because I know at the end (hopefully) I will get what I want and that feeling is worth everything. And so much more. Plus that angsty feeling…it builds up adds up for me – of course I loved Blaine and Kami together but that push and pull just makes me crave that HEA more. Speaking of the HEA…oh…my…GOD. I need to try and come up with a better word, but seriously, I L.O.V.E.D. it. So much. Worth it…and then some. Told you, it’s always worth it in the end.

‘Blaine. All I could see was Blaine. He was the muse for every song, every painting, every dream. He occupied my deepest, most intimate desires, and hindered my past pains from consuming me with his touch.
It had always been Blaine. I just wasn’t ready to see it.’

So…as much as I love Kami and Blaine, their story is complete. They will always stay in my heart, but there isn’t much else to tell IMO. But there is Dom and Angel. And oh boy! Do I want their stories??? Yes…yes I do! Very much so. Especially Dom – I think he’s worse off then Kami was and good Lord that’s sooooo not a good thing. Angel on the other hand would just be a riot. There’s pain there too, but Angel is a blast in a glass and I’m all about her. I cannot recommend Fear of Falling enough, it’s a truly beautiful story about embracing the ability to love.

View all my reviews

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Most known for her starring role in a popular sitcom as a child, S.L. Jennings went on to earn her law degree from Harvard at the young age of 16. While studying for the bar exam and recording her debut hit album, she also won the Nobel Prize for her ground breaking invention of calorie-free wine. When she isn’t conquering the seas in her yacht or flying her Gulfstream, she likes to spin elaborate webs of lies and has even documented a few of these said falsehoods.  Check out S.L. Jennings Blog.

Some of S.L.’s devious lies:

FEAR OF FALLING- July 18th, 2013

THE DARK LIGHT SERIES

~ Dark Light

~ The Dark Prince

~ Nikolai (Fall 2013)

~ Light Shadows (End of 2013/ Early 2014)